Boning this Valentine’s Day? Dave Hill Has the Soundtrack for You

Oreos, Spam and panty-dropping. How can this Talkhouse Music playlist NOT put you in the mood?

Coupled up or not this Valentine’s Day, you’re likely going to need some music — whether you intend to get down or be down. Well, the Talkhouse has you covered. This week, we’re rolling out a collection of love song — and anti-love song — playlists created by those who know love and anti-love songs best: musicians. Next up, Dave Hill.
— the editors of the Talkhouse Music

Margo Guryan — “Someone I Know”
For me, this song perfectly encapsulates the feeling of falling in love, which makes it a major panty-dropper (yours, mine, anyone’s) in my book.

Baby Huey and the Babysitters — “Hard Times”
This is one of the stone-coldest jams of all time. Put this on, dance around a little bit, and give your date a look that suggests “oh, this is happening, alright.” Also, Baby Huey mentions eating Spam and Oreos and drinking Thunderbird in this song and all of those things are delicious, just like you.

New York Dolls — “Looking for a Kiss”
This is a great song by a great band that will help you make your intentions clear. In my experience, your mate will either want to make out or call the cops by the second verse at the very latest. Either way, you’re in for a fun night.

The Pretty Things — “She Was Tall, She Was High”
This song was pretty much made for rounding the bases. But at only a minute and thirty-three seconds long, you might have to start it over a couple times if you struggle with the bra like I do. Repeat as necessary.

Bathory — “Oden’s Ride over Nordland”
This “song” is pretty much three minutes of eerie chanting, rushing winds and horses galloping through what I choose to believe is the forest at midnight, which makes it really great for setting the stage for the completely epic boning that’s about to take place.

Ohio Players — “Ecstasy”
Don’t put this on once you’re in, put it on once it’s in. Also, some great tambourine work on this one.

MC5 — “Teenage Lust”
This is a good song to put on if you feel like getting up and dancing around for a minute in between all the making out and whatnot. Sometimes I like to go grab a cheese plate for my woman during the guitar solo. Class move.

Mercyful Fate — “Evil”
If your woman or man isn’t into Mercyful Fate, you probably don’t want them around anyway. This song is a pretty good way to find out. Also, King Diamond sings, “And when you’re down beyond the ground, I’ll dig up your body again and make love to shame.” Oh man, how hot must that chick be?

Nick Drake — “Hazey Jane I”
This song is best listened to while driving along a hedgerow in the English countryside. But if you end up porking in the morning or something, put this on afterward while you try to decide where to go for brunch later. It’s good for that too.

Sweet — “The 6-Teens”
It’s a pretty advanced move to put this song on, because the lyrics pretty much cover every stage of a relationship before it’s over, and that could spook your date. Still, it’s a stone-cold jam, so that trumps all. Besides, if your date doesn’t like Sweet, what are they doing in your basement in the first place?

(Photo credit: Bill Harrison)

Dave Hill is a comedian, writer, musician, and highly boneable public figure. He is the author of the book Tasteful Nudes (St. Martin’s Press, 2012), host of The Goddamn Dave Hill Show on New Jersey’s WFMU-91.1, frequent contributor to This American Life and singer-guitar player for the power-pop band Valley Lodge. His new comedy album Let Me Turn You On is available now, as is his second collection of essays, Dave Hill Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (Penguin/Blue Rider Press). Dave also smells incredible and can play sweet guitar solos without even really trying. You can follow him on Twitter here.