It’s a very controversial headline, but did it get you to click it? Awesome. First and foremost, I want to say that I’m not ageist. I don’t want someone to read this and think, “Who is this person targeting old people?” When I say “old people,” I simply mean people older than me. Like, how we refer to our parents as “old people.” (Or at least I do…sorry Mom, you’re still young-spirited.) But the point of this piece is that I’ve always been obsessed with what I now unfortunately refer to as “Old People Sex Movies.” Let me explain what that means, though. They are movies with people substantially older than me who have a sex scene that is fun and hot. It doesn’t even have to have the sex part! It could just be a romance, but you know they wanna do it. You may say that’s subjective, and I absolutely agree. We’re living through a scary time right now, so I wanted to write something totally fun that can distract you from being a woman. With that in mind, I wanted to dig deeper into this obsession of mine and give you a short list of recommendations along the way.
Since I was a kid (and I still identify as one), I’ve been told that infamous, awful phrase, “Women over 50 are nothing in Hollywood.” It’s sort of been this end line that you fear when you want to become an actress. I couldn’t believe there was a cut-off! In fact, I didn’t want to believe it. I grew up in a house with parents who had no connection at all to the industry, and as much as I wanted to work, they wanted me to go to school. So I very much knew that I might not “make it” until I was an older adult. So I watched a lot of adult movies, knowing it was probably more realistic that it would happen in my 20s or 30s or 40s, rather than me becoming a teenage pop star. Sure, I wanted to become the next Hannah Montana at times, but I also wanted to be Diane Keaton in any movie I saw her in. Now that I’m *an age*, I think about how smart that was to try to be more realistic. I think this is why I started to become obsessed with “old people sex movies.” It confirmed that the “women over 50” line was BS and there were plenty of hot adults still having steamy love scenes in movies that weren’t only about age. And it gave me hope that maybe one day I might have awesome sex (in a movie!) when I’m a woman over 50.
It all started with one of the first movies I saw as a kid, the 1985 Ron Howard movie, Cocoon. (I wasn’t born yet, but I saw this movie in the ’90s and loved it.) For those who aren’t familiar, Cocoon is about a group of seniors in a Florida retirement home who come across some big rock-like structures called cocoons in a pool that have aliens inside. Unbeknownst to them, they get some sort of life force from these “cocoons” and start to feel young again. Now, although this premise is very sci-fi, they totally all feel like doin’ it again! There’s some makeout scenes in pools, a shower scene – the works! The plot thickens and the retirement home friends have a choice if they want to go to the planet these cocoons came from, but to be fair all I remember from that movie is a bunch of older people living like horny teenagers! It was so hot, they even made a sequel! (Pretty sure that’s the reason anyone wants a sequel … right? More sexy scenes.) Now I wouldn’t necessarily turn on Cocoon 2 if you’re looking for a hot movie, but it is a fun reunion of sorts, if you’re into aliens and seniors getting it on.
The next movie in my journey started a long-lasting love of Nancy Meyers’ movies: Something’s Gotta Give (2003). It is about a successful woman over 50 who finds love (and sex) after her divorce. This movie has the iconic pairing of Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson and they’re delightfully awkward, which makes their scenes so endearing. Something’s Gotta Give has one of the funniest sex scenes, where Jack Nicholson cuts off Diane Keaton’s signature turtleneck. It’s liberating and hilarious and one of the best moments in the film. It almost rivals the scene in It’s Complicated (2009) where Meryl Streep and Steve Martin get stoned. This is another epic “old people sex movie,” and there’s no way you won’t enjoy watching this. Between them and Alec Baldwin, it’s a hot trio. What I’m trying to say is, I hope my life turns into a Nancy Meyers movie when I get a little older, because these movies have been my goals for a while now.
My next slice of sexy senior cinema is Meet the Fockers (2004), the sequel to Meet the Parents. I liked this movie better than the original, and that’s probably because of Barbra Streisand and Dustin Hoffman. They play Ben Stiller’s parents, a Jewish couple who love to have sex. They’re super open, they love to talk about it, and they fully embarrass their son. I don’t know if it was the Jewish thing or the fact that Barbra Streisand plays a sex therapist, but it’s one of the funniest relationships onscreen. They get more action than their son and his wife, and it’s just nice to see a couple like that thriving in the bedroom. (They even try to inspire Blythe Danner and Robert De Niro’s characters with their active sex life, though it doesn’t seem to take.) Streisand and Hoffman embrace their love in physical ways and I had never seen that in a comedy like this before! It’s hot, if you’re into that sorta yiddish thing…
2004 was a huge year for old people sex movies, because it’s also the year The Notebook came out. While this famous love story from Nicholas Sparks is regarded as one of the most romantic movies of all time, most people recognize The Notebook for the relationship between Allie and Noah when they were younger. However, sometimes we forget that half the movie is the older version of themselves! They’re still just as sweet and into each other. On a more serious level, this movie showed me that regardless of your age, if you’re in love with someone til the end, your feelings and attraction will not change. The Notebook gives all the feels, because it has some of the sweetest moments between the two characters in love, at all ages of their lives.
Remember a moment ago when I talked about how Robert De Niro’s character in Meet the Fockers can’t seem to find his sexual awakening? Well, behold another Nancy Meyers masterpiece, The Intern. I love this movie. It’s about Robert De Niro’s journey as an intern at a young company, giving him a whole new fun life. So, of course, he has a steamy romance, because that’s part of being an intern! (Not really, though I wished for it back in my day.) What I love about this movie, though, is that De Niro’s character falls for a massage therapist who is close to his age; it could’ve been way creepier if he fell for another intern half his age. His romantic scenes are tasteful, though, and you root for him to get some love throughout the movie.
One of the hottest “old people sex movies” has to be the 2018 movie Book Club. I saw this movie on a plane and let me tell you, it got hot. (Maybe the air wasn’t circulating, but still!) This movie is about four women (icons only: Diane Keaton, Mary Steenburgen, Jane Fonda and Candice Bergen) who have a book club and read Fifty Shades of Grey, years after its prime. Though all four women are in different stages of relationships in their lives, this book turns them on and there are multiple sexy scenes to follow. In particular, I love the romance between Diane Keaton and Andy Garcia. It’s unexpected and he’s an incredibly romantic man. The fact that Diane Keaton has to hide this new sexy relationship from her daughters makes it even more intriguing. If I got this into it on a plane, you’re gonna love it on the ground.
There’s one more movie that I think earns peak “old people sex movie” status thanks to its leading man Andy Garcia, and that movie is Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again. The famous sequel that came out 10 years after the original. Listen, some of these sequels put it all out there, and that’s good marketing! The first Mamma Mia had a lot of love scenes between Meryl Streep and the many men she had affairs with, but in the sequel we get a romance between Andy Garcia and Cher. Does it get better than that? No. Call me when Mamma Mia 3: We’re Really Going Again happens. Their love sparks during the song “Fernando” (a classic) and it’s one of my favorite parts of the movie. They do make you wait for it. You know Cher’s gonna show up, but it doesn’t happen until the end. Trust me, though, this scene is worth the wait!
Well, that’s my roundup of “old people sex movies” that I believe can make anyone feel good. And right now? We need those feel-good movies since we have no idea where life is headed. Next time you need a really really good distraction, turn on a Nancy Meyers classic, or dive even deeper into the Mamma Mia franchise. I swear you’ll leave manifesting your future sex life.
Featured image shows Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give.