Aleksey Weintraub (Lakutis) Talks LL Cool J’s Authentic

"Ladies Love Cool James" was ill as hell when he popped out the couch in full couch camo in Toys, the movie that predicted drones like 20...

“Ladies Love Cool James” was ill as hell when he popped out the couch in full couch camo in Toys, the movie that predicted drones like 20 years ago. LL had a TV show called In the House in the ’90s. LL Cool J beat the shit out of a burglar last year!

Now he has a new album. It’s called Authentic. That’s what’s up. Keep it real, LL. He got on a big knit zip-up hoodie. Ayo.

1. “Bath Salt”
The intro: mad dramatic. Then LL says “it should be more dramatic,” then he laughs cuz he cracked himself up. LL crazy. First I thought this song was about drugs but I guess it’s about real bath salts? He said he “toss beat salad all day.” LL, you crazy. I like when he says “hand on my nuts that’s product placement.” Then he’s saying he scared to rap cuz he’s old but then he says he’s better cuz he’s old. Sometimes LL be confusing me.

2. “Not Leaving You Tonight”
LL shouts out Farmers Boulevard in Queens. Then he starts rapping about love. Fitz & the Tantrums and Van Halen are on this song. Is mad weird. He starts talking about breathing air for the girl and doing trust falls. LL be mad weird sometimes because he stays rapping about either mad young stuff, being old, or weird love stuff. Oh snap, then Van Halen comes in and starts shredding! Then LL shouts out Farmers Boulevard like two more times on this song!

3. “New Love”
This song is about love too? Sometimes he’s saying the girl is good and he likes her but sometimes he’s like saying that he’s better than her? Like he’s like bragging she can never outlast him. If I was the girl I’d be mad confused but I’m just me so I’m grooving and shit.

4. “We Came To Party”
This song is like the hard song. He said he partying with Russians. Respect. Haha, he said “lames.” Is weird cuz he sounding mad hard but he’s talking about taking his kids on play dates and texting his wife. THEN HE SAYS “DESTRUCTION IN THE CLUB” LIKE 10 TIMES. I fux with LL. Then Snoop raps. Fatman Scoop is screaming the whole time. It’s awesome. Haha, he just said he likes blogs.

5. “Give Me Love”
This one got Seal. I think I like LL when he rap about love and he doesn’t say any weird sex stuff or talk about being old. The beat changes and gets like a little dancier at the end. It’s kinda ill on some Sade type.

6. “Something About You (Love the World)”
Earth, Wind & Fire is on this song? “Kissing with your fingers in my mouth.” “Tongue taking all kinds of routes.” Is very hard to remember this song no matter how many times I listen to it.

7. “Bartender Please”
This got Snoop and Bootsy Collins and Travis Barker. I don’t really know what’s going on. Snoop just said “la di da in my A-D-I-D-A-S.” Hahaha. Bootsy killing it though. He said “LL Cool J. Grab a big mouth and funk away” so I think Bootsy Collins wins the album.

8. “Whaddup”
This song got a cool name. LL talks about how the economy is out of control. Haha. LL goes “Homeboy I’ll cut you uuuuuup.” This shit incredible. Everything LL says is crazy and he sound mad weird. Chuck D does the hook and is cool.

9. “Between the Sheetz”
This song is cool. It sounds like a Christina Milian song. I like the bass line. LL actually does like a more modern southern type of A$AP Rocky-type flow on this song. I think I like this song.

10. “Closer”

11. “Live For You”
This one has good ol’ boy Brad Paisley on it. I be mad scared of this combo now. They didn’t say anything OD crazy though. Just sang about love and stuff. It’s dope.

12. “We’re the Greatest”
LL actually sounds exactly like Eminem on this hook. Is mad weird. If there was a video for this song I bet it’d be mad low angles and rain and lightning and shit. Van Halen shreds forever. Is cool.

LL really did his thing on this one. He got a bunch of dudes to yell and rap and play guitar without even worrying about how that was gonna go. Respect. He rapped a lot about being an old man and calling his wife but also about macking it to younger chicks. I ain’t really know what he was talking about a lot but I guess that’s true for most rap albums. Bootsy Collins is the winner of this album but LL is a close second.  I wish LL made a song about beating the shit out that burglar in 2012 but u can’t win ’em all. Respect.

Aleksey Weintraub, aka Lakutis, is a male rapper and NYC native.